William was a combat infantryman in the Vietnam War. In 1967, after being wounded in Vietnam, he returned home with many problems of pain, guilt, depression, nightmares and flashbacks about the war, and felt rejected from society. William was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in 1981. After 24 years of the War in his mind and giving up on life itself, William attempted suicide in 1991. The love and forgiveness of God saved him from death, and brought cleansing, healing and restoration to his life. 

Introduction

During his born again experience in 1991 God called William into His ministry to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. God put in his heart to be a blessing to Him and His people, to tell people that He loved them and give testimony of his Vietnam War experiences and share how God saved his life, his wife, daughter and son and what they had been through for over 24 years of their lives. God has allowed him many opportunities to speak at churches, conferences and witness to many people including veterans and their families especially Vietnam Veterans. It is his prayer as you continue to read his testimony that you would know that no matter what we may walk through in life that there is a God of salvation, help, hope, and healing in His Son JesusChrist.

WELCOME HOME TO ALL VIETNAM VETERANS

Testimony That God Gave Me

After I was born, my father was called to preach God's word during the early 1950's. While growing up with a Christian background and being raised in a Christian home, I loved God and knew God's Commandments. After high school I was drafted at age 19 and went to the U.S. Army to serve two years. I went to Vietnam to fight for my country in 1967 and was wounded with second and deep third degrees burns to my body. I was in several hospitals in Vietnam and then sent to Japan. There was a lot suffering and severe pain from the burn areas of my body. Gangrene began setting up in my right arm and blood. I ran very high fevers due to the infection in my body, with severe dehydration. While in Japan they done some minor surgery on my burns and right arm and then I was sent to a burn center in Texas.

On July 5, 1967, at the burn center in Texas, I underwent surgery to put skin grafts on my right arm. The doctors had told me that I would have to have several skin graft operations. If the skin grafts did not take, I would then lose my right arm. Three days after the first surgery they took off the bandages from my arm and found that I had taken 100% skin graft. The doctors were amazed when they looked at my right arm and skin grafts, and how the skin grafts took due to the condition that I was in when I arrived at the hospital. I looked at the doctors and told them that God had healed me. I was told by the doctors that I was the first patient in the history of the burn center to take 100% skin graft after a first surgery. Following this was a time of rehabilitation to my right arm for several weeks with severe pain.

I was sent home after a few weeks for a thirty-day leave. The hospital wrapped my burns and helped me put on my Army uniform, and then I was sent home on an airplane to Indiana. Upon arrival at the airport, as I departed from the airplane to walk to the terminal to see my parents and brother and sisters, I was confronted by a group of people standing outside of the airport terminal. I thought they were there to greet me back home along with other soldiers. As I approached the group they move to let me walk through and they then surrounded me and started to curse at me, calling me a baby killer, a murderer and other bad names, then they started hitting me and kicking me and spitting on me. After getting away from them I headed onto the terminal where my parents, brother and sisters were waiting to greet me home. It was good to see my family but everything had changed in my life after the encounter with those people. I became confused and very angry and hurt. I began asking myself things like; why I had to do the things that I did during the war, why was I wounded and the pain and suffering that I had went through, why was I confronted by the angry people outside of the airport terminal and why I felt so unloved and felt I did not fit in with my friends and family anymore. I had so many questions but I felt I could not talk to anyone, I needed answers.

If God so loved me, then why would he allow all of these things to happen to me? My only thought was that God hated me because I had broken the Ten Commandments, The Sixth Commandment "THOU SHALT NOT KILL", which is what I had to do in the Vietnam War. I felt in my heart that I was surely going to hell and was being punished by God for what had happen during the Vietnam War. I only wish that I could have talked to my parents or someone at that time and ask them if God still loved me. I felt that no one would understand or care what had happen to me. I blamed the government, the people of the United States and even my own family for sending me and other solders  to fight in the Vietnam War; I had so much hate inside of me. I knew that I was different from everyone except for my comrades and buddies that had served in the Vietnam War. I had changed to a complete different person in just a few days. After a 30-day leave at home I went back to the Hospital for some more therapy and then was released from the hospital. I spent the next year finishing my duties in the Army. My last year in the military I began smoking and drinking to try and forget about my experiences and what had happen to me during and after the Vietnam War. I started having nightmares, flashbacks, screaming and waking up in the nights with cold sweats and feeling guilty that I was alive and my buddies that I fought with in the Vietnam War had lost their lives, why them and not me? I was discharged from the Army and went home.

The next several months were spent trying to get a job. No one would hire me because I was a Vietnam Combat Veteran and they labeled me crazy. More drinking and smoking and going to parties was the only life that I had. I spent hours on back roads drinking by myself, I just could not be around people and I began isolating myself. My life was in a big mess and I needed to get my life back in order. I was so lonely and felt so unloved. Things were really getting bad for me, with very little sleep I became very paranoid and I had become an alcoholic. The war was still with me no matter how much I drank. I would cry out to God and talk to him, but I felt he was not listening to me. I still keep the Vietnam War inside of me and just could not talk to anyone about my war experiences and what had happen to me at the airport. I just keep it all bottled up inside of me. I was so dependent on alcohol to help me feel better about myself and to coop with my war experiences, know I really needed help with what was going on inside of me. I finally met a young lady about a year later that changed my life. I knew that God had sent her to me. She helped me in controlling how much smoking and drinking that I did.

My wife and I married and had a beautiful daughter and son that God had given to us. I had worked at several jobs from 1968 to 1971. My family and I decide to leave Indiana and move to Florida with my parents. I felt that if I were to move away I would leave all of my problems, my mistrust, friends that hurt me even some of my family and the Vietnam War, It would be all behind me and my family and I would be able to start a new life together. From 1971 to 1981 I again had several jobs and was still smoking and drinking some. I just could not get along with anyone and did not trust anyone anymore. The war was really getting bad in my mind. By 1981 I finally had to start seeing psychiatric doctors. They told me that I could be helped, but would be on medication for the rest of my life. They said that I could not be cured of my war experiences and now I was labeled crazy by a lot of people. I was diagnosed as having (PTSD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for my related Vietnam War experiences.

I began going to Veteran's Outreach Programs; these were group meetings with other Vietnam Veterans. I found out that they too had the same problems as I did, but one thing that I realized was, that we all shared the same thoughts about God and that was God did not love us and hated us for what we had done in the Vietnam War. This was brought up at different times during my outreach group and individual meetings. If God loved us so much, then why did he allow such things to happen? I was not alone in what I felt inside of me. This really made me feel that I was surely going to hell. By 1983 I had to leave my job and became 100% disabled. My mind was completely taken over by the war. I was fighting the war in my mind 24 hours a day. The Nightmares, flashbacks, waking up in the night with cold sweats, screaming and having rages over the least little things were getting worse. I would get so mad at times that I would almost lose control of myself. Suicidal thoughts were getting bad. Every time that I would have a suicidal thought and would get to the place where I wanted to end my life, I would then see the faces of my children and my wife, and I could not go through with it.  

I would hear sounds and certain smells that caused flashbacks. I walked out in front of a truck one time and did not even remember what had happen; I only got a few scratches and bruises. I have tried to cut my wrists on more than one occasion. I was put into a mental hospital for seven days, and that made things even worse. I had such anger inside of me and would get mad over the least little things and would go into rages. I would take my anger out on my wife and daughter and son. After I would calm down, I would say to them that I was so sorry and ask them for forgiveness and then I would try to explain to them that this wasn't really me, that the husband and daddy that you see in all of the anger and rages was a person that was being tormented by the Vietnam War. My wife in all of those years always forgave me and she would cry and say to me "it was ok, and that she still loved me". Also my daughter and son "would always forgive me and would tell me that they still loved their daddy". I would buy them the best gifts that money could buy, trying to buy their love back and to say that I was sorry. My wife, daughter and son just wanted me to love them and come home from the Vietnam War.

I only slept two or three hours a night. I was so afraid that someone or something would hurt my family; I was so over protective of them. I knew my family could not take much more of my rages and outburst from me, my parents and siblings were being affected also. I also had hurt so many of my friends by my outburst and the anger that came out. I was taking a lot of medication just to keep the anger and rages down, this went on till 1991. I did not like or love myself and felt that no one else did either, not even my own wife and children. Everyone was so scared to say anything to me. It seemed that I was losing everything even my mind; all I knew was that I wanted to end my life.

On January 17, 1991, I was at my end, I no longer wanted to live; I was tired of it all. I just wanted to come home from the Vietnam War and I did not know how to do that except to die. I told my doctor on several visits that the only way that I would have peace of mind from the war was to die. I felt my family would be better off without me being around because I was making their lives miserable. I had put my family through a lot and I felt they did not love me and God for sure did not love me and I was going to lose my family and everything that I had. The Gulf war had started, my son was at draft age. Tim a real close friend of our sons and our family was in the Gulf War. I was so scared that they would draft my son and also worried that Tim our friend would be injured or lose his life to the war. My mind went back to things that had happen to me during the Vietnam War. I did not want my son to go through what I had gone through. The dreams, flashbacks and sleep were getting worse every hour. I started to see Vietnamese coming through the walls of our house and they were after me. I had not sleep for almost five days; the enemy was attacking me from all sides.

I did not know what to do, I was afraid to go to sleep in fear the enemy (VC) Viet Cong would hurt my family. I decided the only way out where the enemy could no longer hurt me or my family was to take a lot of medication and to commit suicide. I began taking medication and took about 26 or so pills the day of January 17, 1991. I knew that by taking that much medication it could possibly kill me, I was ready to stop living. As I sat in a chair in the living room waiting for the medication to take effect a report came on about a pilot that had sent his grandmother a post card from the Gulf War. He had written on the post card and told his grandmother that not to worry about him, for he was in God's hands and if he were to die, that he would be dying in the Holy Land. That report really got to me, this man knew that God was on his side. I looked up at the clock and it was 2:00 am on the morning of January 18, 1991. An emotion came over me and tears were flowing down my face. This was the first emotion that I had felt for 24 years since coming home from the Vietnam War.

My body began to feel hot all over, I was gasping for air, and I could no longer breathe. I could not call out for help and could not get up from the chair that I was setting in. I knew it was all over for me, that I was going to die. On my last breath of air, I just put both of my hands toward heaven and said to God, "DO SOMETHING WITH ME NOW OR TAKE ME HOME". I took my last breath. The next thing that I remembered wad seeing white and my arms were still stretched toward heaven, I was numb all over and could not move, and was so hot inside, but I felt a peace in my mind. As I looked up toward heaven I heard these words, "WILLIAM YOU MUST NAME ALL OF THE PEOPLE THAT YOU HATE EVEN ALL OF THE VIETNAMESE THAT YOU HATE AND ALSO THE ONES THAT YOU THINK THAT YOU HATE, AND THEN ASK ME FOR FORGIVENESS. I said Lord I don't hate anyone anymore, "AND GOD SAID NAME EACH PERSON." So I started to name the ones that I hated and then ask God for forgiveness.

After this I felt an unusual feeling in my feet and toes and it started up my body to my head and arms and out my fingertips. I then saw a cloud above me, and God began to reveal to me in color my life and complete experience while serving in the Vietnam War, then the cloud disappeared and was gone. I then heard the voice of God say to me, "WILLIAM I HAVE CALLED YOU INTO MY MINISTRY AND I WANT YOU TO TELL MY PEOPLE THAT I LOVE THEM AND PREACH MY LOVE." God also told me that I should get my mom and dad back in church, also our close friend Tim which had made it back from the Gulf War." This was my first commission from God.

I started looking around and trying to figure out what just happened and I realized that I was no longer sitting in the chair, I was now sitting on the couch, my legs were stretched out toward the floor and my arms were still raise over my head. I then noticed the clock and it was now after 4:00 am. For two hours or more I was out and can't remember what happen to me till I awoke after 4:00 am. All I know is that a peace, joy, and warmth was all over me. I felt as if the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was so weak and tired but yet felt so good all over; all I know is that God had forgiven me of my sins, what I did in the Vietnam War and that he had always loved me. He had taken me by the hand and had lifted me from the very pit of hell. I give thanks to God Almighty. The next few days were unbelievable, all I could think about was God and his love, and for the first time in 24 years I started liking myself. God had given me love, peace and joy in my heart. I went from 26 pills or more on January 17, 1991 to only one pill on January 18, 1991, and had no withdrawals. God spoke to me later and said for me to be patient and he would take away all of my medication, anger, hatred, guilt, dreams, flashbacks and nightmares and would give me joy and peace.

God began helping me with my hurt, anger, bitterness, guilt, and depression. He was slowly remolding me. There was such a change in my life, I did not tell my family what had happen to me, but I knew they had seen a difference in me. God was changing me. I now spent my days and nights reading God's word. I was not aware of what was going on in the lives of my wife, daughter, and son. While God was working on me he was also working on my family. My family and I started going to church on February 17, 1991, and all accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, and were baptized on March 17, 1991. After the baptism we went home and my family and I were standing around in the living room and as I was holding my wife in my arms the Lord spoke to me and said to me, "William if something was to happen to you now, I will take care of your wife and children, give them to me by their names." I was so over protective of my family in the past 24 years and was afraid that someone would hurt them. I said to God that day in prayer, "Lord I give you my wife, and my daughter, and my son and gave their names to God." As soon as I prayed that prayer, the fear of losing them and someone hurting them went away. I knew God would protect them and me now.

My Mom and Dad sat by my side along with my family on Easter Sunday morning in 1991. Just like it was as I was growing up. Also our friend Tim gave his heart to Jesus Christ a few months later in 1991 and is a witness to a lot of his friends and other people. What a good God we serve. On July 4, 1991 I finally received my welcome home, from the Vietnam War. The church that my family and I were attending was having a Veteran Salute to all Veterans and they had announced that if any active or non-active military men or women that would want to participate and still had their military uniforms were welcome to be in the Veteran Salute. So I participated with three other veterans to represent the four branches of the military. We were on the platform for a few minutes and then we were sent behind the platform to get ready for the next part of the program. As an Air Force Colonel and I were talking about the ceremony, he ask me what I thought about the Veteran Salute so far and I mention that it was like a welcome home for me, and he said you have never been welcomed home after returning home from the Vietnam War and I said no Sir. As we were going back on the platform for the completion of the program, the Colonel spoke to the pastor of the church and they announced that I had never received a welcome home since my return home from the Vietnam War in 1967. I received a standing hand clap. What a moment in my life as the tears ran down my face as I tried to salute them by way of saying thank you.

What a welcome home, my emotions inside of me were tremendous. Before God Almighty, the congregation, my mom, dad, my wife, daughter and son, I had finally come home from the Vietnam War that had taken over my mind and life for the past 24 years. The pastor asked all the veterans to come upon the platform and he had prayer for all of us. As I was standing at the back of the platform with the veterans after the prayer, I HEARD THESE WORDS FROM JESUS: "WILLIAM YOU HAVE ONE MORE WELCOME HOME AND THAT IS THE DAY YOU AND I WALK THE STREETS OF GOLD HAND IN HAND." What a wonderful word from Jesus. After the prayer several Vietnam Veterans welcomed me home, I found out from many of them that this was also their first welcome home. It was a very emotional time for all of us. The church and my family were so happy; I never hugged so many people and shook so many hands in my life. I was just overwhelmed with all that was going on. I knew the Lord had planned this out for me. God had welcomed me home in his own special way from the war. What a welcome home that I had.

God had taken away my smoking and alcohol abuse from me in 1979 and then in 1991 helped me with my drug and medication abuse. God had restored my relationship with my wife, daughter and son and renewed our love with each other and given my family and me the most important thing in life, our salvation. He had forgiven us of all are sins. God began to restore my love with my mom, dad and my brother and sisters. I give God all of the Glory, Honor, and Praise for all that he has done. God continues to work with me every day. As you remember back a few pages, God had spoken to me and told me to be patient that he would take away all of my anger, hatred, dreams, nightmares, flashbacks and would give me peace and joy. I can tell you that God does what he promises. I have been asked what I thank God for and my reply is; I count it a bonus each day that I awake, and that I love Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. I thank God for my family, a beautiful wife, daughter and son, our salvation's and that they stayed by my side and did not give up on me in all those years. I am blessed.

Conclusion

The following scriputures from God's word is what He showed me after the night of January 17, 1991 when I committed suicide. This was God's promise to me and to every one that may be going through  or been through a very trumatic time in their life. Take the time to Call out to God and He will help you, trust in Him for your strength for when we are weak He is strong.

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1 (KJV)

He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. Psalm 40:2 (KJV)

And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:3 (KJV) 

JESUS PAID IT ALL FOR US

That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:15 (KJV) 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16(KJV) 

For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. John 3:17 (KJV) 

It is my prayer that as you have read this testimony that is has be a blessing to you and that you would see that no matter what we may walk through in life that there is help, hope, and healing in the Lord Jesus Christ, for He loves you.

Want you take the time to read the following scriptures and make a decision today to have a personel relationship with Jesus Christ.

 Bible verses for Salvation

"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." - Romans 10:9 (KJV)

"For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made to salvation." - Romans 10:10 (KJV)

"FOR WHOSOEVER SHALL CALL UPON THE NAME OF THE LORD SHALL BE SAVED." - Romans 10:13 (KJV)

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9 (KJV)

If you would like to have a personel relationship and receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior in your heart and life today,Click Here for Prayer of Salvation

If you prayed to receive Jesus today, or would like to contact us for prayer or comments, please e-mail us  we would like to hear from you!

In My Heavenly Father's Love,

Your Brother in Christ and Fellow Vietnam Combat Brother,

William

Note: Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are from the King James Version of the Bible.